When I get tired, I look again...

("...quando eu cansar, volto a procurar, não pode sumir")

foot of someone who was almost a ballerina,

of someone who has danced a lot,

of someone who walks barefoot,

of someone who loves boots and closed-toe shoes,

of those who practice running these days but lately hav been out of breath and need to get back into rhythm.

foot of someone who has already crossed the sea from one end to the other,

of someone who ran a lot,

run since very young,

walk a lot, walk a little,

is discovering how to walk instead of run

foot of someone who used to be a swimmer,

foot of those who have a lot of courage even though she's so afraid

walked,. walked indeed

was nothing but a wanderer

still is

that walked down the road to ask for a ride to any place, a place unknow

and through the unknown...

the unknown remains that fate

how many times I lost trying to find myself

and many times I got lost right after that

and these days I heard a very wise phrase from a very wise woman

she said: it's very easy to get lost, finding yourself can be very difficult but getting lost is very easy

for sure

it's from here to there

I just know that today I had this experience of modeling my foot and that's when I realized that I still knew so little about myself

or rather, there's still a lot of me that I still don't know right now

my foot is proof of that

do you know all parts of yourself well?

Me, for example, until today I hadn't realized myself that way, through a sensorial experience of music, blind modeling and a journey through smell, since the material in question is a play dough that I substituted for clay

there was no clay this time

is that I needed this rescue

I missed when I was little playing with play dough

wow, how I loved it!

take it, keep playing with it, modeling things that weren't necessarily something, but were the result of something

I just didn't really know what it was

the smell, smelling the dough, rubbing it in your hand to let it become thin like a kind of snake

and then put this little snake on the table and keep rubbing it until it grows in size...

I made pizza with it, I played with so many things...

I miss that time, I needed to rescue that memory

I don't remember, for example, staying that long, from my childhood playing with it

really because I didn't play as much as I would like

it passed very fast.

But the important thing is that we can always go back and rescue

these memories,

thousand memories, memories, stories, experiences, smells, sensations, experiences

ourserlves.

I was so excited when I took off the mask covering my eyes, when I finished modeling, and I saw this foot that I decided to make a book of it.

I really did a shooting

So I keep thinking, it's not every day that we have this opportunity to understand each other, isn't it?

Should be like this

with everyone and for everyone

and then I'm listening to Tulipa while writing this and it all came together:

"nem sempre dá pra ser bom..."

But it will be good when you allow yourself.

but here it is, an exercise that I propose to you too, if you read all of this:

how is your foot?

une chanson for all colors

untitled paisage - painted by 404tita

the artist is a very lonely animal, isn't it?

there's no way. lier is the person who says no.

you feel lonely while you're working (far from everyone, imerse at your own creative process), desiring to see people and interact in meanwhile but whe we're on social networks and things like that we can't wait to come back to our own solitude. Cause the loneliness keeps there - the loneliness of "my god, what i'm doing here? I should be creating!"

and that's become an infinite looping

i think that the reason this often happens is by the fact that we are indeed, and you know why?

because we are not like the others.

we see things in an very particular way and there's no way, it always be walking together, following the same steps as us, the loneliness.

isn't easy be an wolrd's conductor

it's a very challenging task

it's maddening, really

that's why we're called mad ones

today i understand that

i need to turn this into my friend

i thought i whas the one that had to has myself as my bestfriend only but i can add some person at this relationship! Shure i can!

we can be very happy together, Me, TITA and the loneliness.

i would add solitude at this non monogamous relationship too till i remembered myself that solitude is an state

and loneliness is an presence

if we don't hug ourselves we can endend up loosing ourselves in somewhere

or, better saying, myself right?

i endend up loosing myself again thinking i'm gonna reach the answers i need when actually at the outside i won't find what i need

cause i've been there before, so i know what is like

outside there is not what I'm looking for

and it gives me an tiresomeness and i want only just go away

i always endend up wanting to come back (home)

thankfully and fortunately i get it and reconize it

indeed, there is no better place than home

us, me, TITA and our loneliness. this powerfull and magical universe that we create

no one understand

shure, because they're outside and also cause most people don't see it that way

as i said, is not everybody that can reach the present that is to come back to the essence, the I-Artist

today i understand even more Lygia Clark and was so good to had readen her letter to Mondrian, that one she wrote for him at 1959 because now it really makes sense

and i no longer feel that lonely

this comforts me - there's a lot of people sharing this feeling - there was tooo

it will always exist

i have no more fear to give my heart

i give it intensely

but not my mind.

heart bursting with love (2019) - gouache and soot on paper

how an star becomes a legend even after had become one

I'm still devastated around here... but life has these surprises... we deal with it. Dancing with life...

But I needed to write about it. I fell sorry that I came back here after a period without publishing anything written or any of my drawings in this corner or anywhere and that I came because of that. But I was also thinking... this is a celebration just like your career was.

I want to celebrate and that we can celebrate who she was, who she is and her legacy.

It was so bizarre entering the social network and discovering that this great woman passed away...

I remember that the other day I was watching an interview of her by Naomi for British vogue, if I'm not mistaken and it wasn't that long since it was published. I left that video even more inspired and fascinated by her persona, by who she was, by what she believed, by her truth. She sweated and breathed truth in everything.

It was so impressive. It is!

Her elegance when communicating, her respect, tolerance, politeness... At various times, Naomi was simply a caricature of herself, wanting to draw all attention to her, even in the face of a historical figure of enormous relevance such as Vivienne, who even gave her one of her first jobs when she was starting... well.

Despite being uncomfortable with Naomi's posture, in that interview, I found the way Vivienne managed everything fascinating, even with the model's moments of stardom. That thing impressed me as much as reading her life story for the first time when I was still a young freak and fashion nerd, about to enter fashion university.

I kept with me, as much as the photos, images of its beginnings. Iconic images, historic images. Today they will be worth millions (symbolically).

That is simply part of our history and it's good that I lived while she was still alive! I'm lucky for that!

Today, with this little girl already grown up, the world lost this star to gain another legend who was already a legend even before that term became a joke on the net. One of my favorite punks, Vivienne was truly a star. Far beyond all these other fakes that we see out there, whose term is more linked to the brightness of the ego than to the accomplishments and mission from life to life.

This is a terrible loss not just for fashion but for the world at large.

I couldn't imagine a world without Vivienne. I don't imagine that kind of world. A world where she no longer exists. It's bizarre. She inspired me from the beginning of my career, but it was more as a person and her life story, her values ​​than anything else and than her wearable creations.

I saw that woman, strong and sweet at the same time, extremely educated and focused, committed to transforming this planet into a sustainable and possible place to live, without so much garbage, without so much pollution, without so much inequality, without waste...

And seeing that lady over 80 years old still going to the streets to protest against the global climate crisis, creating collections about it, transforming the catwalk into a piece of the streets, structuring her entire brand around that purpose and doing it in practice just like her did and did, and the way she did it, it was fucking surreal for me was always and that should and must be the model.

We need more women like Vivenne more stars like her. Who didn't even see herself as one, preferred to stay behind the scenes, fighting for her causes and saying everything she needed to say in a poetic way, between her own creative chaos and bringing her pieces to life.

It took YEARS for her to gain acclaim and her work to be properly recognized by the industry's bigwigs. Years to be awarded and honored. Fortunately this happened while she was still alive.

Her life story and trajectory are as beautiful as the person she was and the legacy she leaves, and I really hope from the bottom of my heart that they keep the brand true to her principles, because one of the many things we need once and for all is accepting, continuing to learn and practice conscious fashion consumption. And fight for a less chaotic, dirty and polluted planet the way it is and it's getting worse every year (and spoiler 2023: the rains will increase! and in europe, the heat too)

Buying and flaunting new clothes all the time is tacky. Buy and give money to large conglomerates and fast fashions that still operate under slave labor, with children earning less than USD 1.00 for each piece made, whether on weekdays or holidays, living in the workplace, from A to S (from shein) is corny. Seeking what is beautiful and beautiful but doesn't last is more than tacky.

What is good lasts, goes through times. It takes time to be done, it takes time to arrive, it takes time to gain recognition... it takes time because it comes from a solid base, not an ephemeral one. It crosses generations, it stays. Just like Vivienne who leaves more than one mark, now after her departure from this plane.

It takes work to build a legacy and that's why she was a living legend.

It's so inspiring to see real people who stay true even after years, and stay true to what they believe in as much as they fight for it.

it's sexy.

and, in fact, she knew very well the power that her essence had when she created SEX, her first store, which before had a different name.

Rest in peace, Vivienne!

Long live the big star.