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Captured life


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_ i started this study in October and, initially, it was just some gesture drawings of a live model sessions with Rafaela but, during the process, there was such a good connection that I ended up giving myself more soul than body to these studies


one of those transcendental experiences I would say.


the process, the drawings, the gestures, the here and now of that moment, the dance of living or the dance of action.


the performance of the image of a body that said so much without having its mouth open for a second

without explaining.

I think it was confirmation too, that I needed it,

about research, studies... investigations...

the course of things.

the course of my line of research that I was developing in 2020 but had started much earlier, is that I had not realized - or taken it out of the drawer


body is memory

body is history


interaction, environment, time, platforms, communication, relationships, social networks, social media all of this is a supporting element, a complement.

the study of the unconscious and our subjectivities help us to understand this body and by doing so it's possible to build realities that can be lived and endured, self-sustainable, from the understanding of our interpersonal relationships, our own collective languages

or,

as in good old Portuguese:

see, understand and inhabit yourself first and then relate to the other_


it's not possible to relate well with the other_ if we can't relate minimally well with ourselves

respecting our limits and


flaws_


the revolution is inside out.

there is no way to change outside if we don't change inside

or, at the very least, not understanding who we are,

where we came from, where we are.

our patterns, our beliefs, our pains, our shadows, our lights, treasures, contradictions and complexities.


I'd created the diary of living stories without realizing that I was talking about it too. but I think my subconscious knew in some point.

and here we are.


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this has all been a journey of great discoveries for me

and continues to be

I'm still discovering a lot

like, for example, that everything is connected. and now I'm connecting some dots.

making connections has always been part of it

(and inside i knew it_)

weave stories

but this experience brought here and now kind of solidified this flea that bit me when I started, in fact, to start to focus more on studies and living in the skin,

body, soul, pain, tastes and displeasures and complexities what it is to be an artist living with art and doing art.

and it's been biting me until then



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and so I've been working on these drawings and studies and it's been a delight, as well as another investigation process within an investigation

e assim, vou vendo o que vai se tornando

what already is

what it was

what it once was

and what is being


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It's been a pretty intense week here! but I'm grateful Let's see the connections: Monday, at our live meeting of the artejornada course (designed and taught by Estela Luz) brought us a reflection on self-cancellation. That went through me in a brutal way because it always accompanied me. self cancellation is in the little things, in the little gestures words

said and even unsaid to ourselves


that was powerful enough I started to do a sound exercise with watercolor, proposed in the course

aquilo já foi potente tanto quanto


the song was "sopekku ame" - Changes Happen, in translation.


"we all have a dream, we were sure that we would do it differently, we surprised ourselves doing exactly the same but changes occur, still mysteriously out of our control"


Tuesday, eclipse in Scorpio, the most powerful of this year. Transformative changes. portal opening an invitation to the new and total unknown


that's exactly what happened during the process, with this study.


and it was from this that I saw and carried out the exercise as an investigation.


Music with several separate elements forming a single cell. That's what I saw, along with the colors of it. Which led me to create new ones from each element.


this is the image of the process, one of the records I made


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All of this brought me many thoughts, among them:

how many layers can a sound reach?

how many parts does a sound have?

and for how many perspectives can we see it?


Does even silence have its layers?

how many of these parts can we feel?


would it be infinite?


fluidity and control fluidity and wait i still have a lot to write about it but just like in the process, let's go by parts.


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thought a lot whether or not I would publish these drawings because I want to update the site again and put the Drawings section that is dedicated to this but I realized that I was making excuses to myself not to express myself

it's not about creative decisions and which one is the best

only

the auto-cancel


we talked about it at monday

the auto-cancel


how we cancel ourselves all the time, isn't it?

especially us women

I've met few male figures who have shown self-cancellation or have commented on something to me about it.

interesting

that says a lot


but not enough there

how do we cancel ourselves all the time, isn't it?


to think it's not good, to think it's not good enough

to think it's better to keep quiet because, imagine what they can think about it, talk

to judge

to think you will be ignored

or criticized

and then decide not to expose

do not talk

not express

dont say

not write

not communicate

do not do

don't

don't

don't


d

don

don'

don't

don't be


I don't know, it's so tiring

the not to be

the annulment to fit in spaces that are not our home

because home starts with us, home is our own body

real is to inhabit


but I was wrong many times, I self-canceled countless times

and still

to this day I doubt myself a little

I put myself in check

i used to

I don't want to be my own enemy anymore

nor fail to express what I feel I need

no one should

creations are made to be shared

words to be said

of the verb

explain






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you can note this cause I've warned

it's allowed to live the pleasure

come in

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